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Archive for December 3, 2009

This crazy emotional week

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This week has been a hard week at the Caira Sue household. I’ve been sick with the flu. Adam has been busy working, leaving the house at ungodly hours like 5 am and coming home late. I’ve been reading a lot of sad moments on tripawds. Caira started to seem really down to me. And we all know that Mars is in retrograde right now, which makes us feel stuck and weak. I was feeling it. All of it.

On Tuesday I took her to a new dog park….I was in a different area taking my father-in-law to an appt, so I thought I’d look for a good place to play for an hour. Anyone who knows Caira knows an hour is nothing.

After 20 minutes she started to slow down. Then she did a horrible nose-dive flip on her good leg. It looked awful. Of course she kept going….but it was really awful. I made her take a break. She wouldn’t stop panting. After 20 minutes? How many mets does it take, I wondered? The whole time I was smiling at her and encouraging her to stay near me. There were a couple other people there with little dogs…not normally Caira’s cup o’ tea, but she tolerated them. Their owners kept telling me what  a great dog I had and I thought, yeah…for how long?

She walked out slowly. She stopped every 5 steps and laid down in the grass. She’s never been that dog. My. Heart. Broke. I thought, great….she has cancer spreading to her lungs and she can’t breathe and now she’s injured her one and only front leg. Plus my flu was getting worse again, not better. I called Adam. All he could say was, “oh, god, mary.”

Yesterday I slept until 4pm. Yeah, I got up to feed the animals, but I went right back to bed. Caira slept with me the whole day. I kept putting the heating pad on her one shoulder. I just didn’t know what to do. And my head was full of flu goo. In the afternoon I took her out to the front yard, which she usually loves because that’s when the sun is shining best there. My father-in-law was sitting there with his neurotic terrior. Caira walked out there and just stood. Caira Sue just stood there. She didn’t go anywhere, she didn’t smile. My. heart. Broke.

So was I projecting? Was I feeling terribly emotional because I’ve been sick and not eating for a week? Was I depressed and worrying about her lung mets when I had promised myself I wouldn’t do that to myself or anyone else in the household? Was it the whole Mars issue?

Today we got ready to take my father-in-law to the same appt. I looked at him and said “I’m not sure whether to take her. I’m worried about her leg.” And he said “Caira Sue always loves a good ride.” Of course, he’s always right. Pop is always right. I pulled out her harness and she grinned big from ear to ear and did her little “I’m going out!!!” dance. It was adorable.

I decided not to take her to the dogpark. I DID take her to this little walkway near a school. There’s dog waterfountains there….so hey. I thought we’d go sit in the grass and enjoy the sun.


Girl took ME for a walk! She kept pulling, and wasn’t tired at all. We got over near the baseball cage and I sat on a picnic table. I let her off leash so she could sniff. OH! Big grins! Caira Sue found her a softball. I tossed it 10 feet. I wasn’t having her running and nosediving. She was sooooooooooooo happy. Then she proceeded to roll in the grass with her softball and strip it of the top layer! Ok, time to go before the owner comes looking for their ball……


She spent all day with us, and never slowed down, never acted down, or in pain. We ran our errands and she was happy to come to the ones she could go to, or guard the car. She danced her way right back in the house this evening. She just kept looking at me and smiling. It’s like yesterday only upside down and backwards. Which is good thing.

All I’m saying is….deep sigh of relief. I guess it’s not the cancer. She’s still breathing.  I guess the heating pad and day of rest helped the soreness from her nosedive.  I don’t know. Maybe I was projecting. Maybe she was reading my illness off of me. But today is today, and it’s a beautiful day.

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